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To Assume is to Make an ___ out of You and Me: 10 Do’s and Don’ts of What to Say and Not Say to a Pole Dancer

Not sure what to say when you discover your new friend or possible love interest pole dances? Check out these 10 do’s and don’ts of what to say and not say to a pole dancer!

convo1). WHAT TO SAY: “Will you show me your favorite dance move or something you’re working on?” YES! I mean, I feel I kind of shy about showing it to you in person, and will always hope that I don’t slip in my demonstration no matter how many I times I’ve done the move or combination, but I’d be super honored to share what I love with you. I’ll also happily show you the bruise (pole kiss), weird dry skin patch (snake skin), and thing-that-looks-like-a-hickey-but-it-isn’t (what is this called??) that I got from working on it too.

2). WHAT NOT TO SAY: “Will you give me a lap dance?” No. You’re not the first person who has thought of asking this. It gets old. Lap dances cost ____ bucks per song or are one of the perks of dating someone awesome. Who may pole dance. Try taking them out to dinner first. Chivalry is not dead.

3). WHAT TO SAY: “How did you start pole dancing?” Everyone has a starting story. I started because I happened to meet the owner of my first studio at a neighborhood bar. I took my first class and felt so awkward that I couldn’t make it through one spin, but I was enchanted by how something that challenging could also be incredibly sexy and fluid. It was the first time in my life that, I, as the “smart girl” was allowed to be sexy. That’s the short version.

4). WHAT NOT TO SAY: “Why do you pole dance? Are you reenacting some childhood trauma up there? Ummm…Is there something something wrong with you?” What? Is there something wrong with you? My pole dancer self is a little bit more wild than my actual self, but that’s part of what making art is: permission to let go. It’s also a fundamental part of being a woman and general human being. People are dynamic-funny, sad, angry, sexy, strong, awkward-all of it. Expressing these emotions in the appropriate arenas and having outlets for them is a huge relief. Try getting yourself a journal and test it out.

5.) WHAT TO SAY: “Your boyfriend is lucky guy.” Thanks. To date, I’m single, but I’m assuming you’re saying because I’m a good person with a heart of gold, right? Good, that’s what I thought.

6). WHAT NOT TO SAY: “How does your boyfriend feel about you posting those videos?” When I think relationships, I think partnerships. That means mutual support. When I date someone, I love what they do, and I’d hope for the same in return.

7).WHAT TO SAY: “How does dance change your perspective on the rest of you life?” Well, first of all, it is super empowering. Secondly, I’m really interested in movement and pole dance helps me understand the body completely differently. Pairing pole dance with my yoga practice actual led me to change careers from an administrative role to a health profession.

8).WHAT NOT TO SAY: “What does your job think of you pole dancing? (with a slight nose wrinkle)” If you have a job where you can’t publicly pole dance, you don’t let anyone at work know you pole dance. That’s it. No question. In my last job, my coworkers were psyched when I won my first competition even if they didn’t always understand what I was doing with my time. I get it. The professional world is a fine line, but keep your nose wrinkle to yourself.

9). WHAT TO SAY: “Is pole dancing good for _____?” Just ask. Whether it is an injury, time of life, or anything, don’t be shy. As a teacher, I want to know where you’re at, so that I can assist you and also find the best way to teach you.

10). WHAT NOT SAY: “HOW ON EARTH DO YOU DO THAT? I NEVER COULD!” That’s just not true. You can. It’s practice. It is trying again and again. It is showing up and asking questions. Everyone starts, gets frustrated, and learns at their own speed. You absolutely can.


Molly Weingart
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