My Audition Experience
Tonight, I had my very first audition for a performing arts company. I have some thoughts and feelings about this and instead of keeping it locked away in my Artist Pages journal, I decided on the ride home to share it with the PoleCon community.
Some Background
I did not do performance arts as a child. My parents made me focus very much on academics, and even though my mom was fat-phobic and wanted her daughters to exercise, when I told her I wanted to be a stunt double she promptly removed me from gymnastics and gave me extra handwriting homework. Today, I still want to learn stunt work, and my handwriting is still illegible. Back then, I didn’t have the audacity to do the thing so I wasn’t much of a mover.
I have no formal dance training. I did one bring-a-friend class when I was a tween, and I’ve done some choreo classes on circus retreats, but my ability to learn choreo is very limited. Even on fabric (my specialty) I learn things in chunks of 3 moves.
Group Choreo
The audition was quite small (so I’m told) with only six performers. Three attendees applied as dancers, three applied as specialty acts. All six of us learned some choreo to perform as a group. I think it was only five 8-counts thinking about it now, and we learned it in about 75 minutes and had 15 minutes to drill it. In my limited dance experience, this was a moderate tempo for learning choreography. I’ve been in some classes where the instructor flies through everything and I rely on looking at other dancers, and some classes where the instructor drills things so many times the ADHD kicks in and I forget the steps anyway.
For the actual audition in front of the panel, I actually felt okay. I smiled (I think) and put on a persona of something having a f*cking great time, because that’s what the client is going to want to see—happy performers.
The Stressful Part
After the group choreo, we were called back in to perform our specialties.
The other two people who were there for specialty acts were called into the room and I wasn’t. Cue sadness. My immediate thought was I did so poorly in the dance section that they cut me without wanting to see my specialty. I took a few breaths and told myself if that was the case they would have had me grab my things from the room and head out. I took some deep breaths and fought that gremlin.
That was the first point of the audition where I became aware of negative emotions I might be feeling. Prior to learning the choreography I had asked if specialty performers were expected to do the group choreo since I have 0 dance background and was told “Yes, we just want to see how you move.” and I’m sure I felt some fear at that point but was able to squash it down so quickly it didn’t register in my frontal lobe.
Individual Performance
Turns out, I wasn’t immediately cut, they just asked me to go last.
Probably because I listed every specialty act I’ve ever done even in passing. I knew we were running short on studio time so I asked which of my specialties they wanted to see most. They chose juggling. I wasn’t mentally prepared for that one. I had three balls on me, because I always do, but I haven’t practiced juggling in months and haven’t acquired any new patterns lately.
This is where I dropped the ball (literally).
I wasn’t prepared to juggle. I hadn’t warmed it up. I had more drops than catches, only showed 2 patterns (though I know like 5, and can change levels, and juggle in the silks!), and just let the nerves get to me.
So, I wasn’t feeling great about my performance, but silks was up next. Silks is my favorite!
Being on the silks makes the rest of the world melt away. No worries about the outside world up there. Just me and my apparatus vibing.
I didn’t prepare anything specific for silks since I didn’t know the height of the rig point, but I figured with how much I coach I always have moves in my back pocket. I approached the silks and realized they were friggen short. The tails barley brushed the floor of the studio. There was no mat. But this is my jam, I got this, no problem. I grabbed the fabric and realized this b*tch is high stretch. What. A. Nightmare. But it’s okay, I have super short-tailed high stretch fabrics for conditioning because moving in high stretch is weird when you’re accustomed to low stretch and I wanted to be prepared for any situation.
The panel put on a song. I climbed, I smiled, I did a standing hip lean. Tossed the fabric over my leg for my next move… and it slipped off. I tossed it again, getting angry with myself that I didn’t add some flare to make it look like it wasn’t a mistake.
Got myself into a splitty move because splits for claps and mercifully I was facing the panel with a big smile. I saw one of them give a nod of approval. They were feeling it. I got ready to do my next move, I wanted to throw in a drop to show my versatility and I did an entrance that requires multiple inverts and MAN WAS IT SLOPPY. Once again, disappointed in myself.
I was so sloppy with the wraps, I was unsure how big a drop it would turn into because I had so much slack, so I bailed on dropping at all and walked it down.
I don’t know how much the panel knows about silks. I don’t know if they saw the set up and knew it was for a drop and could see I chose the safe route for exiting, or if they even knew the wrap was messed up to begin with, but there it was.
Continuing
At this point. I’m not feeling empowered by my performance. But I do have several other props with me. I get dismissed but as I’m packing they see I have silk veil fans with me.
I get one more chance to strut my stuff but I know very little veil fan choreo. They are one of my newest props and I’ve found it challenging to find veil fan classes locally or online. I learned a very small snippet of choreography with them from a fitness training program I was in so I relied on that. I did maybe 45 seconds showing the approximately 4 things I can do with veil fans. It impressed a photographer last week, so hopefully it was good enough for this audition.
The Drive Home
The audition was held about an hour away from my home, so I had some time to think about all the things that happened. I’m proud of how well I learned the group choreography without formal dance training. I’m proud of myself for applying in the first place. And I’m proud of myself for showing up, being me, and giving the audition my all.
If I don’t make the cut this round, I already clocked things I’d like to improve. I also intend to ask for individualized feedback, if possible, from the panel in case they saw something I didn’t clock. I can then take those one-by-one and start making some SMART goals for improvement.
If I DO make the cut this round then F YEAH! I will still work on making improvements in the areas I noted for myself, but I can also take some time to enjoy and celebrate being part of a company.
Some Gratitude
I’m very fortunate that I have other streams of income. I want to be a full time coach and performer, and I am working my way there. But for now, getting on the roster with a performance agency isn’t life or death. I won’t lose my home or go hungry if I don’t make it this round.
I know that isn’t the case for everyone. I’m grateful to be in a position where I don’t have external stressors, like financial stressors, increasing my anxiety when I go to auditions.
Overall, I’m really grateful I got to have this experience. There have been several troupes over the years that put out casting calls, but I always had conflicts. Having this audition be my first was a lovely experience and I’m grateful for how supportive the panel was for each and every performer.
I wish I had a unique way to sign off blog posts, but since I don’t, I will borrow from my mentor, Rachel Strickland. Without her, I’m not sure I would have had the audacity to audition at all. Fight your gremlins, and in the wise words of Rachel: “Don’t go back to sleep.”
- What is Circus Pagan? - November 15, 2024
- My First Audition and Not Making the Cut - November 8, 2024
- My Audition Experience - October 18, 2024
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