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Bentley Rebel performs at PoleCon 2017

“I Don’t Want to Do This Anymore Grandpa!”: Pushing through our mental and physical demons. (Part 1 of 2)

If you’re reading this, then you love pole dancing. 

Well, at least one can safely assume. Whether you’re a beginner or advanced student, performer, instructor, competitor, or swer, pole dancing is a large part of your life and heart.  Regardless of if you gain income or confidence, finding this unique art fills something you were missing.  It creates a community, heals us, strengthens us, and is just a cool flex.  So then why does it sometimes feel like a frenemy?

We often face inner demons when we’re passionate about something because it makes us vulnerable. 

Demons could manifest fear, frustration, anxiety, depression, injury, and of course, the final boss, imposter syndrome.   It can be caused by hitting a wall in skill development, an injury that limits you or has you out for a while, and now you’re not at the same level.  Maybe some of your peers seem to be progressing or picking up things faster.  Does the weather make you not want to leave the house or feel stiff and useless? Did you get some feedback that sent you on a self-doubting spiral?

Whether you’re touching chrome for the first time or booked a residency dancing for Usher in Vegas, we all hit a wall of limitation.  Trust you are among good company in the struggle, and that you can get through.

We’ll talk about some of those challenges in part 1 of this post and even more in part 2.

Keeping Up with The Joneses

This is probably one of the biggest issues polers cross because it’s so broad and can mean so many things.  To sum it up, if you’ve ever looked around and said “Why are they there, and I’m here” in a way not referring to geography, then this is for you.  I have always had rock star dreams.  I’ve been getting up on stage since my dad would let me sing at his gigs as a little tater tot.  I love to perform and entertain and want nothing more than to always be on a stage or in a dressing room.  As many of my peers continue to progress, several have picked up regular performance gigs or even started producing their own shows resulting in me feeling I’m just a hack no one wants to cast.  This also spirals me into believing there is something wrong with not only my pole skills but me in general. Am I too fat? Not pretty enough? Not in with the right performer in-crowd? Am I just a loser?

We’ve all been there when fellow students that started at the same time as we start advancing in their skill set while we’re still fighting the same damn aerial shoulder mount for over a year.  I remember going to a level-appropriate group class at a different studio and feeling like a weeny because I couldn’t do several of the basic moves everyone else could do and wanted to hide under a crash mat. Competitions are also a great breeding ground for this ailment because it’s easy to psych yourself out when seeing fellow competitors performing moves you have on an “in a cold day in hell” bucket list.

First of all, ENOUGH. None of us are hacks, weenies, banana-heads, weak, tragic, or just plain suck. No one. Not even one.

Progress of any kind is not linear.  Sometimes you’ll be busy with shows and opportunities, sometimes it’s another person’s turn to ride the high.  This doesn’t make you any less of a person or performer.  You don’t know someone’s background and what part of it may help certain pole skills become more natural.  Just because someone with a gymnastic background has no fear and can nail flips with ease doesn’t mean you can’t get there eventually yourself.  We all have our strengths. I have to work a lot harder when it comes to dynamic, and strength moves on static whereas flexy moves and stage presence come naturally.  Even within the flexy world, I can do every splitty thing imaginable but when it comes to back bendy moves like eagle or cocoon, I am fighting for my life.

To quote the great Barney the Dinosaur, “Everybody is special in his or her (or their) own way”.  The only person you’re competing with is yourself and as cringe as it is to hear, you are enough.  I will be repeating that later.

Take a moment and list a few things you do well in pole

Maybe you naturally flow well, or knife-like toe point. Are you a natural entertainer and though maybe you struggle with technique you always can get the crowd excited?  Be sappy, be cheesy, be cringe, be whatever but just be you and appreciate that for all its quirks and triumphs.

If you want to tackle aspects of training you struggle with, try taking classes that focus on those things specifically such as flexibility classes or inversion workshops.  You can also find exercises to do at the gym to strengthen the muscles needed and create better habits.   It can be as simple as stretching an extra 10 minutes a day or adding an arm to work out twice a week.  As far as performing more, you could always sign up for showcases at studios, or volunteer to work them.  You can also attend these shows and events and network with the other performers and show producers.  Sometimes just being around the scene and chatting with people can be the best thing for you.

There are always solutions, start small and work your way up. We can do hard things!

Stay tuned for part 2 coming next week!

Casey Danzig
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