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dancer doing a forearm stand on the pole

How Hitting Rock Bottom Led Me to Start a Polewear Brand

dancer doing a forearm stand on the pole I remember staring at myself in the mirror, trying hard to remember the trail of damage I had left the night before and the few days leading up to it. I had gone on another one of my “ok, this is my last time for sure” benders. My hair was thinning, my face was red and puffy, and I looked tired in a way that went deeper than a lack of sleep. I could barely recognize myself, and I had spent the last couple years struggling with addiction as I struggled to process mental health issues, trauma, and the stress of college. At the time I was going to college for engineering due to my love for math and physics, and I felt it was the perfect way for me to express my creativity while honing my strengths. I was in my last year of university, and was finally seeking some help with my addiction after I had lost all of my friends and was on the verge of losing my husband, who was my then boyfriend.

As part of my recovery, I was doing a lot of “inner child” work, part of which involved using creative channels to give voice to my younger self. As a child, I always had a fascination with the circus, acrobatics, gymnastics, etc. I loved going to cirque de soleil and whenever gymnastics or ice skating was on during the olympics, I was glued to my TV. I decided to make my dream of being a gravity defying performer come true when I found a local pole studio. Thinking back to my 14 year old scrawny bowl cut donning self, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t jumping at the thought of being able to finally feel a little sexy. I decided to go ahead and sign up for a class; a decision which would prove to be quite fateful.

Before walking into my first class, I received an email that said “recommended attire: shorts and sports bra” and I instantly felt the panic as I refused to even wear shorts or bathing suits in the summer! I walked into my first class wearing knee length leggings and a tank top and was surprised to see that many other first timers seemed to be in the same boat as me. The instructor lead us through warm- up exercises and I learned a couple of basic moves. As class went on, I came to find that the environment was incredibly supportive and positive; far more than any of the dance classes I had attended growing up.

After my first class, I instantly fell in love. I started going multiple times a week, and I made a lot of new friends very quickly. I was starting to find a community for myself. Going to pole classes allowed me to appreciate what my body was capable of. As I become more comfortable in my body, my clothes become tinier, and I started to develop my personal style more! At 26 years old I was finally figuring out how I truly wanted to express myself, and over time I discovered my love for y2k fashion and ultra girly clothing.

Fast forward to today, while I have come a long way in terms of self acceptance, I find that polewear has not caught up! As a larger chested girl I have been having a lot of trouble finding supportive polewear that also embodies ultra girly vibes. Ironically, the same problem-solving mindset that drew me to engineering would eventually help me design polewear. These factors prompted me to start my own polewear brand.

I created a simple online survey within the pole community to see if others faced the same issues that I was facing with polewear. The amount of responses I received waQR Code for Scmeekspolewear s overwhelming and many could relate to the issues that I was facing; lack of bust support and inclusive sizing, colors beyond earth tones, and, most importantly, narrow gussets!

With the green light from others in the community, I decided to use the money I had in my savings to start up a new polewear brand. I had an idea for a simple two piece bodysuit design with adjustable elements which could be offered in different colors and patterns. I felt that this would solve a lot of fit issues as it would allow for a lot of versatility while also being cost effective, and thus Schmeeks Polewear was born!

Schmeeks Polewear exists because I stopped hiding the messy parts of myself. The insecurity, addiction, grief, and confusion I once viewed as my biggest failures ultimately led me to pole, creativity, community, and self expression. As I grew more comfortable in my own skin, I finally started discovering the things I genuinely loved — the loud y2k aesthetic, glitter, hyper femininity, and expressing myself in ways I used to be too afraid or insecure to embrace.

Sometimes the “ugly” parts of our story become the foundation for the most beautiful things we create. If you’ve ever felt broken, out of place, or uncomfortable in your own skin, I hope this brand reminds you that you’re allowed to take up space, express yourself unapologetically, and become something beautiful anyway. Follow along as I build Schmeeks Polewear into a brand shaped by the community that inspired it.

Ashmika Nye
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