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Nothing Gold Can Stay: A Guide Through “Post-Event Grief”

Why is it that packing always seems easier and more fun in preparation for a trip?  Unpacking at the hotel or AirBnB feels downright whimsical.  Yet the minute it’s time to pack to leave your destination or unpack at home, climbing the Aggro-Crag in Nickoldeon’s Global Guts feels like an easier task. The real world and its irritants await.  All the “I’ll do it when I get back”, statements come up from the grave to collect. With a quick hug goodbye to friends, you are thrown back into the world you’d put on pause.  The bubble officially bursted.

There is so much build-up to PoleCon or a pole competition. Extensive prepping, training, spending, planning, requesting off, budgeting, registering, and nerves.  You’re psyched, you’re nervous, and you have a lot of emotions that you will continue to ride the whole weekend.  Then just like that, it’s all over and you’re squeezing long-distance pole friends like it’s the end of summer camp as you both drag your luggage to your respected airport shuttle or car. At first, there will be joy in sleeping in your bed again, being back into your routine, and spending time with family and loved ones.  You will take a nice comfort in nothing hanging over your head to prepare for.   I am notorious for taking 7 am trains back home on the Sunday of a convention or competition because that’s how ready I am to be in my bed with my kitty catching up on Bravo with the psychotic sounds of Brooklyn singing through my window.   This euphoric feeling varies in time depending on the person and their experience, but this too shall pass and new feelings soon invite themselves into the party.

Grief. 

By grief, I don’t mean anything as dramatic as mourning a death or other tragedy.  Nevertheless, most of us will get hit by post-event grief.  We mourn the loss of the build-up and excitement of going and participating and all the prep work leading up too.  I probably say, “Never again”, during every lead-up to a competition until I’m riding back after one upon which I’ll start preparing my next routine in my mind.  As chaotic as it all was you may find yourself missing the chaos.  Missing talking about it with fellow pole friends, the rush of booking the workshops and privates, and anticipation of meeting a Pole-Celeb or performing on stage.  You may even discover yourself missing all the intense training and occasional meltdowns getting ready for a competition.  Seriously, a good pre-competition meltdown can be pretty therapeutic.

If this sounds familiar, I can say, you are not alone.  Even as a kid, I would start getting depressed during Christmas because I knew it would all be over soon and so would the magical season until the next year.  I cried when I came back from my honeymoon because my “bride era”, was over.  Ok, that marriage actually ended in divorce so not the best example. Scratch that.  My point is, that parting is such sweet sorrow and all that, but how does that help you? Don’t worry lovelies.  That’s where I come in.

1. Social Media, a Necessary Evil.

Look, love or hate it, social media is here to stay so why not use its powers for good, and the way it was originally intended, to connect with people.  Back when we were in summer camp, (ok I was a poor inner-city kid, I didn’t go to summer camp so I’m going by movies), we didn’t have phones or internet.  If there was an internet, it was the very bare bones of it.  The wild west of feral chat rooms.  You’d get all your new friends’ addresses to write letters, and phone numbers to call but in the end, the letters would fade, and your parents wouldn’t let you call long distance.  Inevitably, you’d lose contact until next year, or never again.  Now we have so many mediums to connect and find people of our past and current and stay in chat for years to come. Well after the soreness of pole workshops and performances has passed, you can still share your journey and root for each other, keeping the connection going long after you’ve checked out of the hotel.

Not only can you use social media for connecting with friends, but also with other pole events and opportunities.  Studios and performers are always posting workshops, performance castings, and competitions in their area.  All could be a great opportunity for another adventure.

2. Not All Who Wander Are Lost. We have GPS now.

Going with the theme of social media, nothing is a better resource for your next pole adventure than the digital world.  Look up where some of your favorite pole all-stars teach and research into making it a destination class.  Whether is someplace close that would be a day trip or a quick overnight, or somewhere far that you could make into a whole vacation.  There is no limit to finding ways to stay busy in pole projects or keeping those bonds with fellow polerinas. The magic of PoleCon and competitions doesn’t have to end once you go home.  There is always another opportunity, another chance to take, and amazing people to do it with.

3. Be a Little DeLuLu

Who says you need something locked into a set event to start preparing for your next trip?  I always have grief after a competition and what has helped me a lot is preparing for the next one, even if I’m not registered. Even if I don’t have any business financially even entertaining the idea.  No matter what level you are at, deep down you are an artist and artists need to create like muggles need… I dunno, pants and sensible heels? (Gross) This is a big tip for performers and competitors.  There will always be another competition and new ones being created all the time.  There are also plenty of showcase opportunities all over from local studios to larger events in other states.  There is always something you can be training for, creating for.  Now is the time to start building a new routine, refreshing an old one, or making the first steps by building combos.  Visualize you’re the opportunity to be excited about and get after it!   Take what you’ve learned at Pole Con, what you’ve learned meeting new people, inspirations from performances, and become your hero. (Yes, it sounds corny but most things that are great are.)

In times of post-event grief, I always reflect on the words of a genius doctor.  Dr. Suess.

“Don’t be sad because it’s over, be happy because it happened.”

Casey Danzig
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