Jess Hopper executes an iron X pole move on the PoleCon stage.

Getting Older as a Poler

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how my pole practice is evolving – as a teacher, performer and competitor. These deep thoughts started when I had another birthday that ended in a zero, and they got more intense when I received a certain medical diagnosis. In plain English: I turned 50 and I’m somewhere in the valley of peri-menopause. Fuck, it feels weird to say that, and even weirder to admit it publicly. This might be what a midlife crisis looks like, by the way. I always thought those were kind of stupid, but the fact remains that I started poling in my early 30’s, and well, a lot of shit has changed since then.

There are some big questions swirling in my head: Do I still want the same things from my pole career, and am I even capable of achieving them? Or has my definition of “success” changed? What am I doing to be intentional about my talent, and how I use it?

I’ve dreamed for years of becoming a traveling workshop teacher, and the main way I’ve seen people get there is by winning competitions. It pains me to admit it, but I don’t know if my body can keep trying to win a pro-level comp. The winner of the last one I entered was 21, while I was 28 years older than her. (She 1000% deserved to win. That’s not what I’m talking about here.) At a certain point, I have to acknowledge that determination can only overcome so much, and that a grind-set mentality actually sets me back. (Increased recovery times cannot be overcome by force of will. Trust me on this.) So I’m looking for other ways to achieve this goal. For starters, I need to stop defaulting to the comp that comes to where I live twice a year, and seek out opportunities to focus on storytelling over super-high levels of difficulty. Yay, change.

Fortunately my teaching and coaching haven’t been impacted by these physiological changes yet, but I’m already thinking about when that will happen. I truly do love helping my students achieve their goals. But right behind that thought is the same one that fueled my ambition after I became a mom: I need something for me! I don’t want to be defined only by how I contribute to the successes of other people. I’m nowhere near having an answer to this part yet, but it’s there in the churn of my thoughts.

Lest you think that all of getting older is negative, it isn’t. Far from it. I love how every day brings me further into my No Fucks Given Era. I’m much better at setting boundaries and standing up for myself than I used to be. I’m almost done being surprised when people looking for the adult in the room turn to me. But I’d just started feeling like the gigantic upheaval of post-Covid life was finally settling down, when my body said, “Would you like some More Change?!” Ugh.

The main thing I’m feeling right now is that my resources are more precious, because I know they’re limited. If I start to train a particular pole trick and I hit a wall, I’ll replace it with a new goal. I accept that some students will get my teaching style, while others will decide I’m not for them. My time, my energy, and the precious few fucks I can muster need to go toward making pieces that speak my truth. And to paraphrase something a really smart guy* told me once, I need to make sure I’m not checkmating myself. So far, that means both not clinging to old habits that used to work, and not selling myself short. I am, as ever, a work in progress.

*that’s my husband – don’t tell him

Author
Recent Posts

Jessica Hopper

Jess Hopper has been pole dancing since 2006. She's taught classes, workshops and retreats from NYC to San Diego. You also might have seen her on stage in L.A., or in a couple of TV shows. She lives in Los Angeles with her very patient husband, one small human and one large dog.

Latest posts by Jessica Hopper (see all)