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Pole dancer arched backwards from the floor looking at the audience upside down.

There is no one “right” way to pole dance

Sometimes having access to so much information is a blessing and sometimes it feels like a curse—especially in the digital era when so much information is at our fingertips.

Sometimes, we just want someone to tell us the “right” way to do something so we can get on that path and achieve whatever our goals are rather than slogging through all the information and finding what works best for us.

While this sounds amazing, it is a trap.

I know, I know, I fall into this trap too. I just want someone to tell me exactly what to do. How can I get my fonji, my free-standing handstand, my contortion level over splits while also sleeping well at night, and having a fulfilling relationship with my partner in the shortest amount of time possible??? TELL ME!!!

The trouble is, there is no one magic bullet, smoking gun, or whatever other euphemism you prefer to describe “The ONE Thing That Will Fix ALL Your Problems FOREVER.”

Sure, your favorite social media guru might have surmounted crazy odds to achieve something that you also want to achieve—and they’ll sell you that solution for $9.99 a month, on a recurring credit card charge. I’m not knocking this—I’m one of those people! (Hahaha, buy my book.)

What I am saying is that believing that any one thing will “fix” everything or that this is “the right” way (quote fingers very much intentional) to do anything is a fallacy.

And here’s where it gets disheartening. The only way to really find out what will work for you is to research and then to try out the things that are unlikely to be harmful. Figuring out the line between “harmful” and “probably not harmful” is challenging. I too remember the cookie diets of the 90s which sounded like a really, really good idea at the time. And hey, maybe it did help some folks achieve their goals. (A quick Google search shows that the cookie diet is still active! Who knew?)

What helps most of us, most of the time, is to learn to pay attention to our bodies, our souls, and our brains, to find out what resonates with us. Our “basics,” the things that we need as humans to at a minimum keep us moving and hopefully light up our souls, all have different details.

Some people love pets. Some love plants. Some get energy from being around other people. Some get energy from being alone. Some need just the right amounts of alone time and people time.

Because your favorite internet guru says that going on a 30-day silence retreat changed their life doesn’t mean it will change yours. If deep-down, you feel like it will, honor that feeling. But if you’re just looking for “anything” to change your life, look deeper. Start to build that level of communication between your thinking and feeling self. What lifts you up? What drains you? What do you need more of or less of?

These are hard questions! Most of us (myself included) would just prefer to guzzle some apple cider vinegar every morning because that will “fix” our problems more than getting in touch with our true self.

I’ve been around a lot of pole stars and what always surprises me is the variety of lifestyles, training, and dietary needs all these humans who have incredible physiques and do incredible feats of movement maintain. These are all ultimately fitness people. Shouldn’t they all be talking about macros and doing endless cardio? The truth is far more varied. Some are vegan. Some train religiously. Some exist religiously. Some are older. Some have kids. Some have open relationships. Some have college degrees. Some went to the school of hard knocks. Some have fitness or movement backgrounds; others don’t. The thing that seems consistent is that they are all masters at what they DO. And they have found a lifestyle and regime of eating, moving, living, and loving that works for THEM.

Now the hard part is finding out what will work for YOU.

Here’s some things that have helped me to try and find my path, which is very much still a work in progress:

  • Avoid absolutes. If a guru says there’s only one way, be wary of their advice.
  • Try different things.
  • Try the same things in a different way.
  • Find ways to regularly get in touch with yourself. Interpret that in whatever way seems right to you.
  • Don’t be afraid to step away.
  • Don’t be afraid to come back.
  • Look for mentors, teachers, and communities (plural) to provide new insights and support but make your own path.

There’s no one way to do anything, especially pole dance. <3



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